Joke of the Day: English Movies You Should Never Translate in Filipino

1. black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country) 6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. four weddings and a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala /bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the dead - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan -- hahaha!!!
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. never been kissed - pangit kasi
28. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
29. the fast and the furious - ang bitin, galit
30. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
31. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
32. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
33. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

Mga Solusyon sa Pang-araw-araw na Problema (Joke Only)

1. Kung gusto mong makita ang hitsura mo sa loob ng kabaong. Maghanap ng isang salaming hugis parisukat na may kahoy na frame. Pagkatapos, maglagay ng makapal na foundation sa mukha at humarap nang nakapikit sa nasabing salamin. Bahagyang imulat ang mata para masilip ang makikita ng iyong mga kaibigan sa iyong burol.


2. Kung gusto mong malaman kung bading ang iyong kaibigan. Yayain mo siyang mag-DVD marathon sa inyong bahay. Kausapin mo siya habang inihahanda mo ang DVD player, sinisigurong ang kanyang atensiyon ay nasa iyo. Magsalita nang magsalita habang dahan-dahang itinatapat sa socket ang plug ng TV. Pagkatapos, bigla bigla ay magkunwaring nakukuryente. Tingnang mabuti ang kanyang reaksiyon.


3.Kung nahuli kang nagnanakaw sa bus at may sumigaw ng "Magnanakaw!" Tingnan ang mga pasahero at tanungin sila: "Nasaan ang magnanakaw?". Saka ka mabilis na bumaba ng bus.


4. Kung gusto mong basahin ng iyong mga ka-blog ang bago mong entry. Pumunta ka sa mga blog nila at maglagay ng pagbati/pagpuna/pang-aasar sa kanilang tagboard.


5. Kung hindi mo gustong sagutin ang itinatanong ng isang tao. Sabihin mo: "Bakit mo gustong malaman?"


6. Kung nahuli ka ng gelpren mong napatingin (take note:NAPAtingin) sa ibang babae. Pintasan mo yung babae gaya ng "Mas maganda ang buhok mo, mahal", "Pa-cute nang pa-cute, ang panget naman”, “Mas bagay siguro sa iyo ang damit na ganoon, sweetheart."


7. Kung nahuli kang magpasa ng final paper sa itinakdang deadliest of all deadlines. Sabihin mo kay Sir/Ma'am: "Nahuli po kasi akong nagda-drugs ng tatay ko". Pagkatapos i-kuwento mo ang buhay mo.


8. Kung isa kang truck driver at nabasag ang bungo ng nasagasaan mo Magpaliwanag: "Akala ko kasi, bato."


9. Kung may puputukin kang pimple Huwag mong ipitin sa pagitan ng iyong mga daliri. Banatin mo ang balat sa paligid nito.


10. Kung tumatawid ka sa overpass at may mga humahabol sa iyong batang sumisigaw ng "Bakla!Bakla!Bakla!" Lingunin mo sila at sabihing: "Alam ko!".

Nice Jokes

I was browsing our office files when I accidentally opened an agent's folder that includes the following jokes. Let us take a break and let our hearts laugh out!

A High School Boy...

A High School Boy once found a book in the school library whose cover read "HOW TO HUG" was delighted to take it home.
On opening it, he was disappointed to discover it was volume seven of an encyclopedia.

A Wise Old Man
A wise old man who was a judge, was asked to settle a dispute between two brothers about the fair division of a large estate left them by their father.
"Let one brother divide the estate," said the judge," and let the other brother have the first choice in choosing his share."

Coincidence
In a kindergarten school, a teacher asked her class to give examples of coincidence.
There was a long silence, then a small boy said: "My father & my mother were married the same day."

Novel
A BLONDE is in the library , she bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story. LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??

Score
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!""That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy."Come in to the living room and tell me about it.""Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science."

HOME
A BLONDE tells her boyfriend, "Come home tomorrow, no one will be at home." When he goes the next day to her home....... Her door was locked.

Blunder
"James", said Martha, "it is our silver anniversary next tuesday. We should mark the occasion. Shall we kill the pig?"
The husband replied, "Kill the pig! What's the good of murdering an innocent pig for a blunder that happened twenty-five years ago?"

Vacation with pay
When Arthur Brisbane was about to complete fifty years of journalism, Mr. Hearst, his employer, urged him to take a six month vacation with pay. This magnanimous offer Brisbane refused to accept, saying there were two reasons for his doing so.
"The first reason, "he said," is that I quit writing my daily column for six months, it might affect the circulation of your daily newspaper, the second is that it might not affect the circulation."

Sunday School
A big advertising man had a small daughter who came home from Sunday School one day carrying a bundle of pamphlets and cards.
"And what do you have there?" asked the man. "Oh, nothing much," answered the little girl. "Just some ads about heaven."